girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
