you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
