Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
farters have to be the big spoon...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
