hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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