Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
