I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
