I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
