On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
