Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
