addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize