he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
