we have officially lost it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
