Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
vagina is talking i cant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
