I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
