If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
