This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
