good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
