I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
