just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
