You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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