im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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