i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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