Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
