We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
