You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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