please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
