im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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