Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
