I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
