Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
