I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
