That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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