Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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