David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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