my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
