and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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