It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
