he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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