Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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