So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
