Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
