What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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