Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
