Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
