Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
