thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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