i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
