She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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