Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
