I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize