fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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