I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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