I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
