Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
whose parrot is this?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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