Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
