I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
