I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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