Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
