OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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