don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
