i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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