I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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