At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize