just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
