my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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