the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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