Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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