whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
